This week I've been on a tropical retreat in Maui with my mastermind sisters. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty hesitant about coming. My life has been "up in the air" for almost 6 months now, and I felt as though everyone else had it together and I was going to be an emotional trainwreck here. But I couldn't not come, so I sucked it up and figured I'd just play small and not let myself be vulnerable.
Day 1 (or evening 1) included leisurely pool time with the other girls and a yummy paleo dinner. So far, so good! Then Day 2 came.... it started out with 6:30 meditation and yoga on the beach and then a living room chat with the other girls and our mentor, who posed the question: "Who would you have to be this week and what would you have to do in order to have a life-changing experience?"
Total resistance set in. As the other girls began to answer the question aloud, my heart began to race. What would I say? My life is so crazy right now, I don't even know who I am anymore. I would have to be so many types of people, but if I open that can of worms and start sharing this, I know that I'm not going to be ok. I thought that I didn't want to be vulnerable and become emotional. Because I'm supposed to be "strong". I thought that I'd say something very surface level and seemingly profound like "I would need to be present". But when it was my turn, my desire to transform during this trip outweighed my desire of looking good, and I came undone.
I told the truth. That I'm resisting this conversation, very uncomfortable, and that I don't know who I am anymore. And to have a life-changing experience this week, I would need to love myself and not be so hard on myself.